


Affection

by MarvelousMusings



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, I Tried, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Wakes & Funerals, WinterBug - Freeform, but she means well, i tried something new, mantis is painfully awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 14:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20875490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelousMusings/pseuds/MarvelousMusings
Summary: Bucky hasn't slept well since the news of Steve's death.





	Affection

**Author's Note:**

> You know, sometimes you just have an inkling and you want to try something new. Sometimes it flops and sometimes it doesn't. This is way out of my comfort zone, written in one sitting, and entirely unbetaed. But I don't know, I'm kind of fond of it, so I decided to post. Enjoy!

He sat bolt upright, choking on air as he whipped his hair out of his face. Steadying himself against the edge of his four-poster, Bucky threw his legs over the side, sighing in relief when his feet hit the floor.

As he blinked the sleep out of his eyes, they began to focus groggily on a pair of feet directly in front of his own. There stood Shuri, in her nightgown and robe, for the third time in as many days, still wiping the sleep from her own eyes.

“Shit,” he grumbled, pushing his hair back from his face once again, gripping the sheets tight between clenched fists, “How bad?” he asked.

Shuri couldn’t help but give him a pitying look as she took a seat beside him, “Not as bad as the first night we were here...but worse than yesterday. Don’t worry; I don’t think you woke anybody else.”

“Sorry,” he grumbled, releasing the crumpled sheets to knead at his temples, “I took that melatonin like you said. Thought it would’ve helped.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she said, letting her head rest on his shoulder, “You are doing the best that you can. We all are.”

They sat a few minutes in companionable silence before he slapped his hands to his knees and heaved himself from bed, “I’m going to take a walk.”

“Do you want me to join you?” she asked, keeping pace with him as he made his way to the exit bay, “I don’t mind. Really.”

Bucky shook his head. She looked utterly exhausted. Shuri hadn’t been sleeping well either, since his nightmares had made their return. She’d wanted to be there for him, but during the day it was clear that it was weighing on her. She needed her sleep rest.

“Nah, you get some sleep, Princess. I’ll be alright.”

And with that, he descended the steps to the grassy plain on which the Wakandan quinjet had staked its claim. 

His walk alongside the harbor gave him an opportunity to think - something that for Bucky had been difficult to come by in the recent weeks. Prior to the Decimation his nightmares had all but gone, stymied reliably by a cocktail of anxiety medications and sleep aids. He’d been well, seen the light at the end of the tunnel.

All had been well for a little over a month. Then he’d received the news that he’d been dreading ever since Steve’s return from his seventy-year detour.

Wanda and Sam had helped Bucky in moving Steve into assisted living. It had been a steep decline from there; so much so that Bucky had made the quick trip back to Wakanda, intent on collecting his things. As much as he’d loved his adopted home, he knew he could bare to be away from it if it meant helping Steve. _Til the end of the line, _they’d agreed. And he’d meant that.

The world had come crashing down around him when he’d gotten the news. Bucky hadn’t been on the ground in Wakanda for more than twenty minutes when that message had come in.

Steve had gone. In his sleep. Apparently it had been peaceful.News of Steve’s passing hit him harder than he’d expected. Of course he’d known it was an inevitability; the man was over a hundred years old and had looked every bit of that. But that didn’t mean it pained him any less.

That night the royal family, along with Bucky and Okoye, had piled into the jet once again, this time to return to New York and offer what help they could in preparing the funeral services. It had been their first night in New York when the nightmares started once again. It had been three days since with very little sleep for his part and it was beginning to grate on his nerves.

Bucky had been so lost in his own head that he very nearly tripped over a body, laid out as though sunbathing - in the dead of night - it’s only identifying feature the glowing antennae.

“I did not know anyone else stayed out this late,” Mantis murmured, pushing herself into a sitting position.

“Were you...sleeping out here?” he asked, peering down at her in confusion.

One of the most innocent smiles he’d ever seen stretched across her, “I _was_ sleeping,” she confirmed.

“Wasn’t it raining?” he asked, taking a seat alongside her as she scooted over and patted the spot next to her.

She nodded, peering up at the sky, watching in awe as wispy clouds obscured the stars, “Yes; I like the air after a big rain. The air is humid. It helps me sleep.”

“Huh.”

It wasn’t an intelligent response by any means, but in that moment, while so mentally exhausted, it was about all he was capable of coming up with.

“I didn’t realize you all would be coming,” he conceded, “I figured you’d all be busy, with the whole galaxy on the fritz.”

“You are right,” she agreed, “But Thor explained to me that Steve Rogers was a friend. And that it was the right thing to do to be _here._”

“...Huh.”

_Again. _He cursed himself and his sleep-deprived mind.

“Are you feeling alright, Sergeant Barnes?” she asked softly, reaching out for him then. He dodged her hand, eyeing it hesitantly.

“Bucky,” he corrected her shortly, “What makes you think I’m not alright?” he asked, on the defensive.

She shrugged, dropping her hand back to the ground, letting it sink into the grass there, “Humans require an eight hour uninterrupted rest cycle. And I saw you in the tavern less than four hours ago.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not for lack of trying,” he conceded, flopping onto his back beside her, “The way I’ve been sleeping...well, it ain’t been so good.”

“I could help you if you wanted,” Mantis offered, pushing herself to sitting once again, crossing her legs as she peered over him, “Would you like a nap?”

Bucky couldn’t help the warming of his cheeks as she appraised him. It felt strangely comfortable, having her show interest in him, even if they barely knew each other. That said, he certainly didn’t want her ‘working her magic’. There was no telling how deeply her abilities ran and the last thing he wanted was to get stuck in another nightmare with the inability to shake himself out of it.

“You ain’t gotta do that,” he sighed, peering up at her with a certain morbid curiosity.

“I could remove your dreams...or...whatever is troubling you?”

“No, Mantis; I’m fine,” he assured her.

She rejoined him on the grass then, her antennae glowing as her eyes refocused on the stars, “I will just keep you company then. And if you would like to talk, then I would like to listen.”

That lasted all of about ten seconds. The next thing he knew, she was leaning in, peering over him, and by the time he spared her a glance, they were practically breathing the same air, “Can I help you?” he asked laying still, rigidly so.

“Would you like to pet my head?” Mantis asked, sitting up with a painfully wide smile.

Bucky couldn’t help but let out a laugh, nearly hysterical as he pushed himself back up to a sitting position, scooting away until he had her at an arm’s length, “I’m gonna need you to explain.”

“Groot’s puppy lets me pet his head when I’m feeling bad sometimes,” she shrugged, “It makes me feel better.”

“Groot’s pu...you mean Rocket?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes,” she said with a fond smile, “I thought it might make you feel better too.”

Without hesitation, she shifted herself until her head was nestled in his lap, causing Bucky to tense further. Clearly unaware of his discomfort or rather choosing to ignore it, she pointed toward the sky and murmured, “That star - the very bright one?”

“We call that the north star,” Bucky said, leaning back on the heels of his hands to get a better look at the nighttime sky.

“Yes,” she agreed, and after a beat of silence she continued on, “Just beyond that star, you can see one that is smaller, lighter. It is...only visible on a very clear night. That star was my home.”

“What was that like?” Bucky asked, settling into the idea that he was going to be uncomfortable for the foreseeable future.

“I cannot remember,” she said, her smile finally faltering as she peered up at her home in longing, “When I was taken...well, it was very long ago and I was very young.”

She shifted then, her eyes meeting his with interest, “Do you want to tell me about your home planet?”

Bucky let out another stifled laugh, looking out over the water with a shake of his head, “Well, my home planet is called Brooklyn, New York.”

“Isn’t that here, on this planet?”

“Well,” he smiled, “you wouldn’t think that if you’d ever been there. I don’t know; it might be different now. I don’t remember much about it, either. I haven’t been back since the war.”

“How long ago was that?”

“I don’t know,” he conceded, taking a quick tally in his head, “I guess it’s been about seventy years.”

It was another moment still of silence, until Bucky let his hand fall to her hair, stroking absently as it flowed over his legs and into the grass. Mantis’s eyes fell closed and she gave an involuntary shutter as his fingertips glanced the nape of her neck.

A rush of emotion overwhelmed her momentarily before he pulled away, “Sorry,” Bucky grumbled, letting both hands come to rest at his sides, “I didn’t...mean to do that.”

“I had no idea,” she whispered in surprise, forcing herself to compartmentalize the burst of feeling she’d just received, “Bucky, you are in so much pain.”

Pushing herself to her knees, Mantis leaned forward, a hand extended toward him once again, “No,” he grumbled, grappling with her wrist, “No, don’t...don’t do that. I’m not in pain.”

“I felt your sorrow, Bucky. And...guilt and anger…” she shook her head, peering up at him, as the glow of her antennae began to dim. He could just make out her shaking hands as they dug into the grass and the glistening tears streaming down her cheeks in thin, little lines, “What happened to you?” she whispered, swallowing hard around the lump in her throat.

“You don’t want to hear it,” he assured her, letting his finger plow through his hair, “It’s...I’ve done some terrible things.”

Silence befell them once again as each bored holes in the other, “It will make you feel better to tell someone,” Mantis said, an air of calm about her, even as she dared him onward, “Tell me.”

Bucky took a deep breath, considering his options. He had to admit, though; she was right. It had been a long time since he’d divulged anything of substance to anyone.

So it couldn’t hurt…

“I’ve done terrible things,” he repeated, flopping back against the grass once again before rolling onto his side to face her, “I remember every one of the people that I’ve killed and now that I have time to slow down and think about it...I haven’t been able to stop...thinking about it.

And with Steve gone...he was the only one who I ever really talked to about it. He would always tell me that I wasn’t those things that I was forced to do, but I don’t know...that was a part of me for so long-”

“He was right,” she said with a tone so bright it nearly gave him whiplash, “I can tell that you are inherently very good.”

“I wish I believed that,” he said simply, staring clear over her shoulder and into the dark of the night.

“I do not remember,” she finally piped up, tears building in her eyes as he brought himself to look up to her once again, “While I was living on Ego...I have no idea how many lives I helped him to take…” she shook her head, “It does not make us bad people.”

“I don’t know about that. I feel like I’m pretty bad people,” he admitted, “It takes...a pretty shitty person to feel this much anger for Steve Rogers, after everything he’s done for me.”

“You are angry at Steve Rogers?”

He pursed his lips, forcing himself to take a deep breath, “Yeah,” he admitted, “I felt angry. Really angry. Because…”

“Steve left you,” she said plainly, “Is that it? You are angry with him because he left you here and went back to be with his-”

“Peggy, yeah,” he replied, giving her an appreciative look, before burying his head in his hands, “Christ, he’s dead. He lived a good life. I ain’t got no business being angry with him.”

Silence overtook them as she reached for his hand one final time. This time he did not pull away, instead letting his fingers lace with hers. As a hurricane of emotions rushed over the both of them, Bucky finally let his tears begin to fall.

“Bucky…” she whispered, letting her fingers ghost over his knuckles, “You loved him very much.”

Bucky sniffed hard, wiping his face on his sleeve to dry his tears, shrugging, “I did,” he let out a weak sob, “God, I’m sorry,” Bucky grumbled, looking on Mantis with pity as tears rolled down her cheeks in tandem with his, “I shouldn’t be doing this to you. I’m sorry.”

“No. This is good. I can feel your pain waning,” she replied, lifting her fingers to his cheek, letting them rest there as he leaned into her touch, “You are healing.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, letting his hands rest on her shoulders as she let her forehead rest against his own, “I – this is hurting you, isn’t it?”

“Only for a little while,” she insisted, letting both hands come up to cradle his face, “Sometimes pain is easier to manage if someone is feeling it with you. Do not apologize.”

After minutes of quiet crying, Bucky found himself on his back once again, wrapped tightly around her as Mantis held contact with any part of him she could reach. And she’d been right. It did make him feel better, knowing that there was somebody there with him, feeling what he felt, in real time. In truth, he hadn’t felt more relaxed in recent memory.

Bucky wiped his face on his knuckles, his puffy eyes falling on her then. Mantis was no more than a breath away and had it been an hour ago, he would have been inching his way back toward the jet, but now he found her nothing but a reliable, steady, comforting force. Overcome, he pulled her in tighter, until his lips rested just under her ear and whispered, “Thank you.”

As much as he tried to hold it back, the next thing out of his mouth was a deep yawn. And he found, to both his surprise and relief, that he was _tired _for the first time in days. His eyes began to droop.

“Do you want to go back to your jet?” she asked, pulling far enough away from him then to get a good look at his face.

He shook his head then, letting his forehead rest against her shoulder, “No,” he said simply, “Can I stay here?”

“You want me to go back to _my _jet,” she reconciled, beginning to peel herself away from him.

“_No,_” he groaned, pulling her in close once more, “Will you stay?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, she settled back in, wrapped herself tightly around his frame, letting her fingers dance faintly over his temple, “Would you like for me to put you to sleep?”

“Maybe just for a little while,” Bucky agreed, rolling onto his stomach in order to settle into the grass, “You’ll stay?”

“I will,” she gave him a faint smile as she smoothed a hand across his cheek once more, “Close your eyes.”

_Sleep._

It was the first dreamless sleep that he’d had in days. And he was still _deep _within its grips when he was shaken away, “Bucky,” a soft voice murmured into his ear, an unfamiliar voice, “I think your friend is looking for you.”

_Mantis._

Begrudgingly, he peeled his eyes open, blinking against the bright sunlight of the new day. There was no telling how long he had slept and to his great surprise, Mantis had not budged. She was still there, stroking his hair out of his eyes.

It was only a moment later though that a sort of panic set in. He could just make out Shuri’s voice calling his name, and it was getting closer. Taking a look at the state of himself, he was shocked to say the least. There really was no graceful way to explain what he’d been up to the night before. Bucky and Mantis were both coated from head to toe in mud from the water’s edge. Her hair was tousled and his matted flat to his skull with a solid mud coating of its own.

When Shuri finally did come upon them, it was with a look of utter shock, “_Oh,_” she gasped, her face flushing deeply, “I was just looking for you to see how you were doing, Bucky. I was worried when you didn’t come back last night, but I can see...sorry.”

“It’s alright, Princess. Mantis just helped me get back to sleep last night. No nightmares,” he said, pushing himself to a sitting position with a groan. However he’d slept, it clearly had not been the right way. Everything ached.

“_Really?_” Shuri remarked in surprise, “No nightmares. How-”

“It’s her _thing_,” he said in explanation, heaving himself to his feet before reaching down to help Mantis up as well, “Have you eaten?” Bucky asked, desperate to bring the subject and Shuri’s scrutinizing gaze from the two of them, “I can, um, get cleaned up and we can go back down to that restaurant that we saw yesterday.”

“Yes, let’s,” she agreed, “You are sure you’re doing alright?”

Bucky took a moment to really consider. _Yeah, _he decided, “I’m alright,” he nodded, “Just...give me twenty minutes.”

Seeming satisfied, Shuri made off to the dock, taking a seat on a bench facing out toward the water, leaving them alone once again. Unsure of what to say, Bucky turned back toward Mantis. She looked as exhausted as he had felt the night before.

“Thank you,” he said for what felt like the hundredth time, “I mean that, really. Last night – that – you – well, it really helped me-”

“I would like to see you again, very much,” she interjected, a blush crawling over her as her words caught up with her, “What I mean is that...I will be here again tonight...if you need me.”

He took her in then, a small smile spreading across his face – the first genuine one he’d given in weeks – and he nodded toward where Shuri sat with her back to them, “Meet me on the dock,” he said, holding his arms out and giving a spin so that she could get a full view of just how filthy he’d gotten the night prior, “Maybe that way we won’t end up like this again, huh?”

“Yes,” she nodded, letting out a high laugh, practically doubling over, “You look very funny.”

“You’re tired, aren’t you?” he asked knowingly. Though he wouldn’t ask her directly, he was almost positive that she’d stay awake through the entire night, making sure that he remained dreamless.

Mantis nodded, her eyes beginning to droop of their own accord, “I am,” she conceded.

“You go get some sleep, then,” he said with a smile, “I’ll see you at seven o’clock. Right there,” he said, pointing once more.

She nodded then, turning on a heel toward her own ship. He couldn’t help but reach out for her one more time, grabbing for her hand without thinking. She froze.

It hadn’t completely disappeared, the pain. It was still there, only noticeably contaminated with something else. Something that it took her a fair moment to decipher.

_Affection._

She met his eyes with a genuine smile, giving his hand a squeeze then, “You will be okay, Bucky.”

“Thank you,” he said, practically beaming at her then, “I’ll see you tonight.”

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't decided yet if I'm going to continue this or just kind of let it hang out in one-shot land. Either way, leave a comment. Let me know what you think. <3


End file.
